Hermione's speculations on words and Draco
by sexy-ferret
Summary: Hermione talks about how she feels about words and the way they pertained to her past relationship with the oh-so-sexy Draco Malfoy. There is no dialogue.
1. Chapter 1

**I am so sorry that I haven't been able to post anything lately! Summer is about to end and I still have some homework to finish. I have like three writing projects in progress right now including a second chapter for a chanced meeting so more will come. I just wrote this because I had some time to kill and it has no dialogue so it was a quick write. I apologize if the story isn't all that great I was just writing on a whim and was simply using my past relationship experience as an outline. Without further adieu enjoy...**

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Words can make a huge difference. Whether we are waiting for news or trying to tell someone something, that's all it boils down to; an arrangement of letters that when enunciated a certain way can form a phrase, a word, a lecture, anything we want really. One story in particular comes to mind when I start to think of this: the time I fell in love only to get my heart broken by just a few words.

Usually when a relationship goes bad or is starting to go bad the two people involved try to work things out before even thinking about ending it. That wasn't the case for me; instead I let myself think that Draco Malfoy would never even dream of wanting to break up with me. Of course, I probably should have seen it coming. While I, Hermione Granger, usually have some sort of confidence, when it came to my love life I knew that there was no confidence there whatsoever. That feeling was multiplied seeing how I was dating the most sought after bachelor in England. I know it seemed silly that I should fret over something like that but not a day went by when I wouldn't think 'why is he dating me in the first place? He could do so much better than me.' Some days those thoughts were frequent but most days I kept those thoughts near the back of my mind.

Now that I look back on the time we were dating I realize that there were a few warning signs that the relationship wasn't going well. The first one is that we barely fought. While most people would say that's a good thing and my imagination is just on overdrive at the moment in reality that was actually a bad thing. Any of our friends would say that before we had started dating we would fight like a married couple. As soon as we became boyfriend and girlfriend that stopped. Soon the relationship became way to calm. Throughout the duration of that time we probably fought about 3 times which is really worrying. The second sign was that he rarely showed public affection. While I am one of those people that like to keep PDA to a minimum I wouldn't mind if every once in a while he just grabbed my hand or kissed my cheek. I mean it wouldn't have killed him. Then again it wasn't like we showed much affection when we were alone as well. At those times it felt more like we were just best friends that weren't allowed to date anyone and that was frustrating. I think the third and final sign was that he never really talked all that much to me. That may sound a little bit like I'm super clingy but I wasn't being clingy-at least I don't think I was- I always had to initiate the conversation and there would be times when he would just stop responding. Sometimes he wouldn't even hear what I was saying and I would need to repeat it, then because I had said it so much he would just yell at me to shut up. And let me tell you something: it hurt when he would say that. If I had the choice to go back in time I think I would have ended the relationship before I got too invested into it because once that happens there is no going back and the end hurts even more then it would have.

The words that caused the most pain were the words he said when we broke up. He sent me a letter that said to meet him by the lake. By the time I was there I was convinced that this was the end of our relationship. That was the one time I wished that I hadn't been right. As soon as I walked up to him he simply said 'it's better for us if we just stay friends.' I am not going to lie, when he said that I felt like someone had stuck me in the gut with a rusty knife and had started digging around. I kept a brave face though and simply nodded with whatever he was saying had I spoken I most likely would have broken down. As soon as he left I kept the brave face on long enough to make sure he was out of earshot before I let the waterworks start. I changed from a strong somewhat confident woman into a blubber pile of flesh that thought happiness would never come her way again. The sad thing was is that from day one I had been prepared for this breakup but when it had finally come I didn't want it anymore. Throughout the week I heard other reasons why he had so abruptly dumped me, one that came up constantly was that I was boring. That hurt just as much as the break up. Had he told me maybe we could have fixed that or I could have changed whatever it was that I was doing wrong. Instead of telling me first hand I had to hear his words from other members of the student body, my friends included.

People say that words hurt more than fist and they are absolutely right. It felt like those words had been picked out especially to destroy me and make sure that I stayed down. After that experience I was changed. Now I'm afraid to tell people I love them-even my family- because all it does is bring back all the memories of when I had said that same thing to him.

Words were my enemy for a while. I would stay away from any books I knew that he liked-and he liked a lot of books. Eventually it was words that helped me. The very thing that was used to break my heart helped piece it back together. I do admit that there are times when I break down but for the most part I stay strong and remember that I am a worthwhile person. Now I use that relationship as reference for mistakes that I know not to make. In a way Draco's words made me a better and stronger person then I originally was. I had my heart broken and lived to tell the tale. Everything was going to be alright. Now I knew that happily ever after was going to be hard to reach but when I get there it will be so worthwhile. I have him to thank for that.

Just as they can be used to destroy things words can also be used to fix things. Ideas are formed with words that get written down and eventually turned into accomplished works. These words in turn inspire more to express themselves with words and this inspires more people! It is like an endless chain. Words are something that will always be around. They are eternal. They can also tell stories-like what my words just did to you.

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**So was it bad? Leave me a review and tell me what you think. You can be as brutally honest as possible because I need to know how good my writing is. Just click that blue button and it will only take thirty seconds of your time. I will be on as soon as I can.**

**Tata for now!**

**sexy-ferret**


	2. Chapter 2

**I have decided that this 'story' will be used as a sort of way to get my thoughts out. Instead of being told by me though it will be said by Hermione. Every thing I write is based off of real experiences. I don't know how good this chapter is since I go off on a tangent a lot. Reaa this and tell me what you think. **

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Sometimes people say things and don't mean them. This can happen when you fight with a friend and this can also happen when you're in a relationship. For example, when you accidentally say the wrong thing you know that you don't mean it. So what is it you do? You tell them. The same should go for compliments. If you don't mean it don't say it. Even if it makes them feel good don't do it because deep down you know that basically you are lying to them. Tell people the tr uth because even though it hurts it's better then just lying.

Promises also go the same way. Don't make them if you aren't going to keep them. I remember in my relationship all of the things Draco would say to me. I'd get messages that would say 'I'll love you to heaven and hell and back again' and other sweet messages that are made to make me feel better. At the time they made me happy but once the relationship was done it made me feel horrible on the inside. Now I knew that he never said what he meant and that it was just an empty promise he made at my expense. One thing that I was definitely promised was that he would never hurt me. He was lying when he said that and he knew it. The relationship had to end at some point and one of us (mostly likely me) would get hurt.

That's one of the sad things about dating one of your friends, when it ends it gets awkward. Now I know most breakups end with the phrase 'at least we an still be friends' but that is a load of baloney. While no longer speaking to you after that they also work to make your life miserable should you two ever cross paths again. Not to mention that one of the two of you is always going to end up liking the other and that will just complicate things more. At one point or another there will be romantic feelings felt toward your friend. It's just the way things go. The choice is yours with what you will do with it. Should you choose to tell them things can either get better or worse. Just know that if you do that things will never be the same.

There can be upsides to dating your best friend though; not only do you get to skip the awkward getting to know you part but you two have known each other so long that you know how to make the relationship enjoyable for the two of you. The two of you can also learn more things that you didn't know and there could be a whole new side to them that you haven't seen yet. Maybe they are a romantic at heart and just don't have the guts to show it. It may not seem like it to most people but I am actually a very romantic person and love all cliche things. The side you could also be introduced to is their bad side. Not the side you see when they are mad at someone but the side that makes them an ugly person. You may not see it when you are dating but after when you get the chance to think back on it you can realise how much you were played. Compliments were given just so you would do certain things and if he wanted you to agree with him he would kiss you until you became so woozy you just said yes to everything. When he says 'I love you' that's the worst. About fifty percent of the time he doesn't actually mean that and it hurts when you realise that you're just another notch on his belt loop. You also feel worse because you know his feelings are just fake and that he may have never actually cared.

The wrong message is sent out when you say something you don't mean. Not only is it a tacky character choice to not be serious but feelings get hurt as well. On the upside it can make a person stronger. They'll stop caring for peoples approval and just live life up to their standards. I know that now I'm not reliant on any boys opinion and that I am fine on my own. While it is nice to have reassurance sometimes, I am totally alright with being who I turned out to be. Because of my experiences I know that I need to be careful what I say because if I don't mean it then things can get very messy and i can also lose people important to me.

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**Sorry if there are any errors. I typed this on my Itouch and it doesn't always correct everything right. Tell me what you think and if you have any suggestions on what I should write about in the next part please tell me and I will definitely talk about them. **

** Tata for now!**

** sexy-ferret**


	3. Chapter 3

Jealousy is something all people experience. It's part of what makes us human. In some ways it's also a way to show people how passionate you are about the thing you feel the need to fight for. Jealousy always shows up at some point during a relationship. Its something that is almost inevitable. Insecurities usually help fuel those feelings causing some situations to get out of hand.

By dating one of the most sought after guys in our school I knew that jealousy would definitely show up at some point. Compared to other people I knew I was just a shy, quiet bookworm that acted like a wallflower most of the time. No one paid attention to me unless i was needed-and that was usually because someone needed homework help. There was one girl I knew, her name was Astoria, and she could get any guy that she wanted. She was beautiful, blonde, popular, and very confident in the way she acted. Almost every month she had a new boyfriend. I was jealous of her and I'm not afraid to admit it. She had the power to make any boy do what she wanted and I was jealous. As i look back on everything now i realize that she was just a girl that would spread her lega for any guy. She made everything worse near the end of the term when she started to go after Draco. If there is one thing you don't do it's go after someone else's romantic interest. She pretended that rule didn't even exist and by the end of that week I had been about ready to punch her in the face and break her nose. I refrained from doing that because had I punched her I would have been giving in to the temptation that green monster sent me (not to mention I would have been suspended from school).

After Draco and I had broken up I still experienced some jealousy. I would start to seethe every time a girl would flirt with him-or even talk to him for that matter. It was petty. He was not mine anymore so I should not be making a big deal out of it. I look back and see how immature I was acting.

I was jealous of my friends who were all happily in relationships. Constantly I would ask myself 'why can't I just be happy like them? Am I not allowed that pleasure?' Eventually I found myself hating to be anywhere near a happy couple, I felt left out. My friends and their significant others were always around each other so I was just an awkward extra wheel. There would be times where I would be feeling so down I would think of ways to split them up so they weren't so dang happy all the time! Jealousy can really bring out our worst qualities. It takes a strong person to not act on those desire and while the temptation to give in may be great you will feel so much better afterwards if you ignore everything and let karma run its course.


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